There is an old proverb that says there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. We know that to be true by our own experiences. Almost all of us have sought counsel from others at one time or another. Some of us have even spent time working with professional counselors.

Relationships & More is a counseling provider in Westchester County, New York. They offer individual counseling as well as counseling for adolescents, couples, and virtually anyone seeking relationship therapy.

They say that counseling doesn’t come with any guarantees. In fact, success ultimately depends on clients, their attitudes, and their willingness to fully participate. There are five particular things that can render counseling useless if participants bring them into sessions:

1. A Lack of Motivation

It is one thing to go to counseling because you are motivated to fix the relationship. It’s another thing to go because you feel like you are being dragged into it against your will. Unfortunately, a lack of motivation isn’t a good sign.

Fixing a broken marriage requires change. There is no way around it. Without sufficient motivation, change is almost impossible. You have to want to do it if change is going to last.

2. Poor Communication Habits

Because counseling relies so heavily on talking, couples really need to have good communication habits to make it work. Of course, many relationship problems are the direct result of poor communication. But such things can be fixed. If counselees are willing to adopt new communication habits, they can learn to have productive conversations that ultimately lead to fixing what’s broken.

3. A Closed Mind

Counseling has a habit of uncovering closed minds. It has a habit of revealing when people are stuck in their ways and unwilling to budge. Needless to say, a closed mind can easily render counseling useless. If a person is not willing to entertain new thoughts or ideas, they are also unlikely to ever change.

The most successful counselees are open to trying new things. They are open to new thoughts and understandings. Would it be that everyone seeking counseling truly had an open mind.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

It is curious that so many people think their relationship problems can be solved with just one or two counseling sessions. Yet things rarely work out that way. It often takes years to destroy a stable relationship; fixing it isn’t going to happen in one or two evenings with a therapist.

With that in mind, attending counseling sessions with unrealistic expectations is a good way to render those sessions useless. You spend all your time wondering why counseling is not working rather than applying what the counselor is attempting to teach you.

5. A Lack of Basic Respect

When a person demonstrates an obvious lack of respect for others during counseling sessions, the chances of those sessions being helpful is greatly diminished. A lack of respect simultaneously demonstrates an attitude of superiority. The two together make it awfully difficult to reconcile problems.

Truth be known, every human being deserves at least the basic respect that comes with humanity. Likewise, counseling sessions are most productive when participants show a modicum of respect toward one another. Where basic respect is lacking, finding solutions to relationship problems is like climbing Mount Everest.

Whether it is individual or couples’ counseling, working through problems with a trained therapist can do wonders. But success rests largely in the thoughts and attitudes of the participants. Suffice it to say that the right mindset goes a long way toward achieving success. The wrong mindset can doom counseling before it even starts.